Weird Day; A post of love and thanks

7 Dec

My life is an open book.  It always has been and I’m not sure why.  Maybe because I hate people that pretend that life is a fairy tale.  It isn’t.  Usually the people that seem so perfect from the outside are the most screwed up in reality.  I’d just like to live my life so that every one sees the truth about the good, the bad, the precious, the scary – all of it – and how knowing Jesus helps me through it.  I’ve struggled recently with so many things.  If you’ve ever read this blog, you know them all.  Reread stuff.  I don’t feel like going into all of it.  I’ve been so tired recently coming off of the intense prednisone shot that my rheumatologist gave me.  This morning Casey got up and got every one off to school and let me sleep.  I woke up at 10:00 am.  I was home alone all day.  I cried until 1:00.  Why?  Well, I’m super screwed up hormonally from the prednisone.  My adrenal glands forgot how to work so my cortisol levels are dumb (too dumb to even test – how funny is that?).  I asked my rheumie if we should check them and she said “what’s the point? we know they are screwed.”  Well, alrighty then.  My kinda gal.  This past visit, we discussed the flare/prednisone issue and the fact that I need to not take prednisone.  She voted to put me back on cellcept.  I said ok but I didn’t mean it.  Surprise, surprise.  I’ve recently started seeing the most wonderful physician ever.  She’s an MD but also believes in things besides Western medicine.  I adore her.  And I trust her.  I’ve started taking lots of supplements and will soon start acupuncture.  More on that another day.  The point is that my adrenal glands are now screwed and are not working properly.  I’m tired, crazy, sad, weird – you name it.  I can already tell that the supplements are working to correct things but there is just going to be a period where my body has to have a break, rest, and catch up.  It is what it is.  I’ve had a ton on my plate with dad in the hospital, holiday drama, sick kids, birthday parties, job drama. Lord have mercy.  You name it.  So today I woke up and felt exposed.  Raw.  Used up.  A little taken advantage of.  My facebook profile has been public since Dad got sick in an effort to raise as much awareness as possible.  I have friends that I don’t remember at all and friends that I don’t know.  They are seeing everything.  I decided today that I’m done with that.  My profile is no longer public.  Love Jim and Loveluli will stay public but not my own.  I’m taking it back.  I feel like a few people have taken advantage of my mental/emotional state and that makes me sad, but I’m taking my privacy back so hopefully that will stop.  I’ve called on people that I know love me and they have responded far beyond my expectations so quickly.  It makes my heart full to hear from people that love me and have loved me for so many years.  People that I trust.  I’m so thankful for that.  I’m thankful for people that love me no matter how crazy I am and no matter what shenanigans I’ve pulled.  I’m thankful that today I remembered that I have so many of those people.  I’m thankful that I can hide away for a day and regroup.  I’m thankful for such a confident husband that knows that in general I get along better with guys and that he isn’t threatened by that.  I’m thankful for guy friends that are confident enough to text me truth and love because they’re my friends and have been for years.  You all know who you are.  Thank you for loving me as a friend just like one of the guys and never being asses and trying to take advantage of my girly parts.  LOL.  I’ve always understood you better and I’m thankful to have you in my life.  I’m thankful for my best friend for life, Julie Riggins, who reminded me that this is our 20th Christmas together as besties.  LOL.  My longest relationship.  My dearest friend.  One of very few “close” girlfriends.  The friend that knows all my trash and loves me more for it.  The friend that would help me no matter what.  Comfort.  I’m thankful for my little sister, Janna.  The hardest worker I know.  The most forgiving person I know.  The most loyal.  The kindest heart.  The prettiest Lady sister.  A giver not a taker.  I’m thankful for my mom who never thinks of herself.  Always puts herself last and always has.  Tirelessly cares for dad.  Never loses faith through millions upon millions of hard hard hard life storms.  Faithful.  Steady.  Kind.  Selfless.  So selfless.  I’m thankkful for my mother and father in law.  They aren’t as emotional as my family and they know it but I know for sure that they love us with all their heart.  They’d do anything for us and have many times.  I love you very much, John and Midge.  I’m thankful for so many friends on facebook that I haven’t seen in ages but have responded to my situation with complete love and support, have tirelessly prayed for me and my family, have donated time and money, have asked me daily how things are going, have cheered me on and given support.  So many of you have checked on me more than family or old friends and I have noticed and it has made such a huge difference.  The constant daily thoughts and prayers, the random notes – so precious.  I’ve saved them all.  It’s been just amazing.  I thank you.  Each little word means the world to me.  Truth.  Please keep saying them.  If you feel a nudge, that’s the Holy Spirit.  Do it even if you feel stupid.  It makes a huge difference to me and my family.

So, this whole day was spent being quiet, reflecting, crying it out.  Protecting myself.  Restoring my body.  AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD tomorrow the exotic animals come for Owen’s 7th birthday party.  Onward Christian Soldier.  A new day has come.  There will be joy in the morning.

Love,

LuliPhoto on 12-4-12 at 2.02 AM

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5 Responses to “Weird Day; A post of love and thanks”

  1. NicOh December 7, 2012 at 7:39 am #

    You are the real thing, girl. Shine on! (pic at the end is the cherry on top of this heartfelt post…hilarious.)

  2. Sue Boydston December 7, 2012 at 8:31 am #

    Hang in there….you have lots of family and friends praying for you and the family several times a day from across the globe. I have shared prayer requests with friends from Dubai, UAE and other places. You are full of life and love….keep it up!!

  3. Julie December 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    Beautiful. Real. I love ya for life. I, too am so very thankful for YOU, my rare treasured friend.

  4. Barbara Anderson December 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart and soul. What you wrote about your mother is so so true. Where I am emotional and flighty, she is so stable. James and I love your parents and you all (their family) so very much. We are praying for you all and hope to come back to OKC some time soon after New Years to see Jimmie and Lyneeta. Keep the faith. Love, Barbara

  5. Betty Tautfest December 8, 2012 at 11:18 pm #

    You family is walking a really tough road right now, but you are so blessed with your so many who support both your mom and dad and you and Janna and your families. Take time for you so you can be strong when needed. When you are weak, God’s strength shines. Praying for you and yours. Betty T.

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