Nut magnet DNA strikes again

25 Aug

A fine example of my nut magnet lineage cropped up today. Just in time to round out the week of insanity. Here’s the heezy, my neezies.

Let me prep this story by telling you that my mom has atrial fibrillation which she controls with medication. She has had a few minor hiccups but no major life-threatening issues with it. Well. . . this morning my dad calls (never a good sign as he RARELY calls me – I usually talk to him when I call mom). So, dad calls and leaves a voice mail (because I am still sawing logs at 8:30am due to Stella’s nighttime shenanigans with the dinosaur screeching strepthroat antics). His voicemail states that mom is fine but had a fainting episode this morning and she went by way of ambulance to the hospital. OMG. I call him back immediately and this is what he tells me (nut magnet DNA). Mom was in the bathroom getting ready for work. Dad was still in bed. Mom says, “Honey, I think I’m going to faint.” Miraculously, my Dad who could wake the dead with his death rattle honk shoo (snore) heard my Mom call for him. Miracle. So Dad jumps up to run to her. He makes it to the toilet (where mom had closed the lid and sat down) just in time to see her face turn white. She passes out and falls to the floor. My father, who is the nuttiest jack you will EVER meet, immediately thinks she’s dead. Dead, folks. He, being the originator of the nut magnet DNA, wigs completely out. He starts slapping mom on the arms and legs and yelling at her to wake up. She finally comes around and tells him to go call 911. Yes, my dad sat and slapped my mom until she woke up and told him to call 911. THEN, he tried to call 911 and it “wouldn’t work” so Mom told him to call the sheriff (they live in a TINY Oklahoma town). Dad “doesn’t know the number to the sheriff” so he brings Mom the phone and she calls the sheriff herself. LOL. Seriously, if you knew my parents, you would be laughing hysterically right now. This is SO CLASSIC. So, mom gets herself an ambulance and Dad follows in his car. Side note: Dad has diabetes. If he doesn’t eat, his blood sugar gets SO LOW that he acts like a total loon (loonier than his normal loon-age). Like, he has to think a minute to remember his own name. It is NOT good. Obviously, he didn’t stop for breakfast on the way to the ER so he had not eaten since dinner last night. Blood sugar = low. When they got to the hospital he was expected to fill out mom’s paperwork to get her checked in. Can you even imagine? He couldn’t even remember her date of birth. Pathetic. Don’t you know, after he told me what happened this morning he said, verbatim, “Honey, I was as worthless as tits on a boar hog.” For real. That’s my daddy. Jimmie D. Nut Magnet DNA strikes again except this time we are the nut. Just like polarity – “like dissolves like”. That last sentence was super nerd but I have a chemistry minor and it makes perfect sense to me. So, whatever to that. Any old hoo, I just talked to mom. She’s in a room at the hospital and back in sinus mode. They are keeping her overnight for observation but I think all is well. AND Dad ate some food so he’s back to normal loon instead of SUPER loon. The world is good again. Amen.

Also on this week’s agenda: a crazy drama infested ordeal with my hair girl. Can I tell you, it was ridic. So strange. I haven’t been involved in so much drama since El Reno high school (and I was NOT in the drama club). Swear. Whatev. That ship has sailed. Moving right along. . .

Stella has strep throat. So that’s been a ball of fun. I think maybe she has some sort of virus along with it because she is also super congested/runny nose/coughing. Her little voice is like a crazy screeching baby pteradactyl. Seriously. So cute and crazy. What’s not cute and crazy – the coughing all night. Seriously, last night I finally gave up after trying for over an hour and a half to get her to go back to sleep. We ended up watching Sesame Street at 4am. I am a sleep deprived crack head today. What’s new, you ask? Zero.

What else have I been doing this week? Pricing stuff for our garage sale in Weatherford this weekend (defininte worst part of garage sale-ing), trying to get ready to start homeschooling next week (ummmm, yea, I think we’ll start on Wednesday instead of Monday – so what, I’m the principal), working at the pharm, hosting Obu Welcome Weekers for dinner. You know, the usual.

Crazy week. Quite a bit of drama. Oh thee well, time marches on.

Love, Luli


18 Responses to “Nut magnet DNA strikes again”

  1. Jantie August 25, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    I have no words to comment on this story of our family.

    • Cindy Brown August 25, 2011 at 7:57 pm #

      Christa – I laughed so hard when I read about your folks that I cried and couldn’t stop laughing!!!! I even sent this to David Brown, my now ex-husband of 12 years!!!….lol I still can’t stop laughing.

      I have to say – your parents (dad mostly) had the nut-DNA and yes, I agree that Jimmie D. was the originator!!

      On a more serious note, I will keep your poor mother in my prayers and hope she is not in any serious danger. Keep us posted on both of their conditions 🙂 LOL……

      You’re the best!
      Cindy Brown

      • loveluli August 25, 2011 at 10:48 pm #

        Haha! Cindy!! You and David have experienced the Nut DNA first hand! We have some fun memories of the good times in KCMO! Certainly never a dull moment when Jimmie D. is around. You should have heard our phone conversation this morning. I hung up and couldn’t even tell Casey what had happened with my mom because I couldn’t stop laughing at my dad. That man drives me crazy and gives me such joy all at the same time. Can’t live with him, can’t live without him. 😉

  2. Annissa Edwards August 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    I soo look forward to reading your blog posts!!! Hilarious!!!!! Please, keep them coming…..the crazier the better:) Miss working with you (even tho it was a brief time in Olive Branch).

  3. jennifer white August 25, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    There was drama @ El Reno Highschool?????? 🙂

  4. Janna August 25, 2011 at 7:59 pm #

    I just read this blog again! I don’t know how, but I totally missed the part where your dad said, “Honey, I was as worthless as tits on a boar.” I have laughed uncontrollably with tears streaming down my face for a good 10 minutes now! Love it!

    • loveluli August 25, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      Janna, I totally left the quote out when I posted the first time!! Had to edit and repost. How could I have forgotten the “tits on a boar hog”? Crazy.

  5. heather August 25, 2011 at 8:14 pm #

    I look forward to my weekly dose of Gerber life. You have an excellent gift in story telling… and now I see that the crazy runs in the family. So glad it sounds like your mom is ok!

  6. Midge August 25, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    OMG, I am laughing so hard (no disrespect to your mom intended–so glad she’s OK). I could just see all of this happening in my head.

  7. jenny August 25, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

    Tootface worthy. Holy, Holy Tootface. No Doubt.

    • loveluli August 25, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

      Haha, Jenny!!!! Well played “tootface”. Well played.

  8. Julie August 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    My favorite is Janix comment “I have no words…” HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    Oh how I love that Jimmie D and Lyneeta! He waited for her to wake up from passing out to tell him what to do!!!!
    Where would we be without their antics and stories?! Seriously though… Hope your mom is
    How is your sweet baby Stella Dino? Hug her for me. If her throat feels anything like mine she deserves to be a big whiny 😦
    Hair. Drama. Done. Over.
    Love ya!

    • loveluli August 25, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

      The Dino seems a little better. Still screeching though. Still screeching. What about that hair drama, girl? For Pete’s sake!

  9. Lyneeta August 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    10:15 Friday night. Just got home – you know I had to read loveluli!!

    • loveluli August 26, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

      Glad you’re home, Mom. Love you.

  10. Jantie August 27, 2011 at 11:42 am #

    Yep…still funny today! I love that mom got her read on when she got home from the hospital last night. Too funny.

    “nobody likes a tit.”
    “useless as tits on a boar hog”

  11. Rona August 27, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    This could be an episode of “Modern Family-Nut Magnet DNA”! Glad your momma is ok! Your poor dad…bless him! Hope Stella is better! Can’t believe the hair drama…congrats on the new found freedom!:)

  12. KST August 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm #

    I wouldn’t know your parents if they came up and slapped me in the street, but I love this story. Such a gifted writer you are!

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